Sometimes being single kind of sucks. My old roommates and their boyfriends/fiances recently had a couples lake weekend. I unfortunately am only half a couple so that was out. My best friends are a couple, that are soon to be engaged. I love them both but although we are all friends, I am ever more the third wheel in that hangout. My best friend of all time graduated and moved to live in the same city as her fiance, we now rarely see each other. In fact nearly all of my friends are in relationships or trying their best to start them… so I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix with my dog lately. While she is great at cuddling and licking tears off your face when you cry during Fox and the Hound (yes, STILL! Just because I’m 23 doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart anymore), it isn’t quite the same as having another person there.
In the past I have been a serial monogamist. Consistently dating or talking to someone, though never exactly the right kind of someone. I was constantly giving a little in my list of requirements. I don’t mean budging on those insignificant things like the guy loved cargo shorts (which I hate) or was a Cardinals fan (which is practically a sin from the perspective of a UK fan), but on the biggies. Extent of physical relationship desired, differences in religion, complete lack of religion in some cases, etc.
During this recent stint, which is my longest since high school, of being alone, I have really found myself, and more importantly reconnected with my Father. I am alone in my one bedroom apartment with my dog, but I am very full of love and hop in my heart. My friends are getting married and having babies and sometimes it’s hard. I’m a nanny, I love babies, and I can’t wait to bring one into this world of my own, but the more time I spend in this place where I am right now the more I get it. If God had brought me the man he has plans for me to be with 2 years ago, I would have destroyed that relationship with the choices I was making at that time. I could decide I’m sick of being single and probably find someone to date who is feeling the same way, but that’s how I ended up in those less than godly relationships in the past. God is grooming me and sculpting me into the woman that chases after Him. His timing is perfect. And if it is in his plan for me the godly man, and the family will come at the perfect time. If that is not his plan for me I will continue to chase after Him knowing that He doesn’t make mistakes and that His dreams for us are 10,000x bigger than we with our little brains and hearts can even begin to imagine.
So I will use this time to work and grow. I will use this time to know myself and know God. I will use this time to do His work, to seek Him, and I will do this with the comfort of knowing that though my apartment may be empty, my heart, my spirit, and my Netflix queue are always full.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.-Joshua 1:9